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The Colbert Report/Episode/581
Production Info |- |} |- |} The Check-In * Dr. Colbert could barely hear His Jewish Friend because he was going through a tunnel ** there is a souffle in the oven ** Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert's Mob started a chant of "Stephen! Stephen!" ** he asked they stop ** he feels like storming the castle * he is still reeling from Norm Coleman's loss to Al Franken * 10,000 and one lakes ** Stephen made one out of his tears * Rush screamed it best * worst of all democrats killed the fillibuster * stalling Senators * the Chinese character for Al Franken is the same as the one for opportunity ** liquor pig * last time something * Republican Prophesies ** The Second Coming Of Reagan ** Soon it is written ... ** Potomac will run red with the blood of bureaucrats ** Coleman has been Gipptured up SEGMENT2 * in his own honest opinion, he has the only honest opinion * Tip Of The Hat, Wag Of The Finger * Tip Cynthia Davis ** hunger can be a positive motivator *** without hunger how will children learn to push a lever with their snouts to receive a food pellet? * she has never risen above State Representative because she has never gone hungry ** take her food away * (rare) Wag to FOX News ** identified Mark Sanford as a democrat * also misidentified ** Mark Foley ** Hurricane Katrina * Sanford is the latest victim of The Clinton Curse ** running over an old gypsy woman begins the curse! * if you say Larry Craig's name three times in an public bathroom, you will be arrested by airport police SEGMENT3 * the Supreme Court released their final decisions ** next week Stephen is off to Bali * Judge, Jury & Executioner * The New Haven Firefighter's case (realname?) ** reverse racism ** finally the white man's turn to be oppressed * Coeur Alaska v. Southeast Alaska Conservative(...?) ** something about a gold mine and an old coot ** Supremes sided with the gold mine! * gold waste is a glamorous way to die! * Safford School District v. Redding * April 29, 2009 ** Episode 5058 * Stephen proposes that students must go through the following before being allowed to enter a school: * metal detector * bag search * colostomy(sp?) * what other things might be in student's underwear: ** Amelia Earhardt ** WMDs ** Sasquatch Interview * Nicholas Kristof ** New York Times columnist pollution causing genital mutations in frogs * too depressing for words * what's happening to frogs? ** genitals * 100% of small mouth bass in Potomoc River are laying eggs ** intersex fish ** same thing with amphibians * the bright side is that there are still fish in the Potomoc River * penis deformation * the culprit ** endocrine disruptors * pesticides, plastic softeners, etc. * 25% of U.S. women have dangerous levels that will cause their offspring to have deformed genitals * not a single chemical has been curbed by the EPA * not toxic waste, but toxic fill * water filtration systems do not clean up the birth control pills ** Stephen is drinking lady pee * Congress might be able to pass a law to make them hold it * sewage treatment plants does not clean up the estrogen * Washington is full of both poo and pee Epilogue * Dr. Colbert wants to remind The Heroes that there are only three more illegal fireworks shopping days until the 4th of July! Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments